i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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