Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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