Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
