you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
