I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
