Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
