I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
