Your mouth is God's brothel.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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