Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
