My hand turned me down
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
