well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
