Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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