Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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