remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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