my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
