OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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