The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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