My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
