you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
