so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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