Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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