I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
