you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
