how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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