Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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