somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
