am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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