i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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