with your own penis?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
