Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
