it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
