Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
