she looked like the before picture.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
