is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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