Don't you send me to vm
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
