Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
