I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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