Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
