I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
