Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
