I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
