I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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