and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
