Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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