did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's great music for shaving your balls
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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