At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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