You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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