i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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