I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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