What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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