Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
