What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
