he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Houston, we have a blender
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
