We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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