theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
