Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
